The Pillar Called Family September 28, 2008
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September 28th, 2008
It’s been at least a couple of days now that word has gone out to our family about VFui’s medical condition. It is amazing how much encouragement and love we received in these just few days…
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PBY assured us that his prayers are with us. PSally called to say she would like to come and visit with VFui even though she was still weak from her recent operation. She was a great encouragement to him. Then AuntyA also called each of us to encourage us. SLourds said she will be obtaining the herbs necessary for drinking during the R-T sessions. PSally & PBY came over to pass some beetroot and organic apple cider with clear instructions on how to use them. AuntyC and UncleN came to visit with us. AuntyC also told us that if we need financial help, she has some saved up. Mom & Dad, too. RD also. SLourds also. And they are all praying for us.
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We are certainly not planning to use anyone’s money, but…Wow! Imagine that! When it comes to support, can anything beat a loving, close-knitted family? I submit to you, NO! Nothing can beat our family. They’re really God’s greatest gift to us.
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Is Fear Controllable? September 26, 2008
Posted by esthertanc in En, Me, Overcoming.add a comment
September 26th, 2008
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“Mom! Mom!” went En’s harried voice very early this morning, followed by violent knocks on my room door.
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“What’s the matter, honey?” I asked, alert and alarmed.
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“I need to get my doctor’s kit. It’s somewhere in here,” she said, rummaging in a corner. “Ahh. Here it is!” and took out a box from her kit, and running out of the room again.
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“Wait!” I said, running after her. “What are you taking and what for?”
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“It’s Molly, Mom. She’s got fever. I’ve got to give her medication. See? The pills are in this box,” she explained, shaking the box of play pills.
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Having been going for counseling classes the past few months, I realized at once something was happening. My daughter fears the unknown sickness that VFui has, and is acting out in the only way she can – by treating her Molly Bear and making it better. In this way, she feels she has control over the situation.
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I stood helplessly as she administers medication to Molly. What should I do? I thought and thought the whole day long. At last, I decided that I needed to get her to talk about it and ask me everything she wants to know about cancer.
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I did that during the trip back from Cell Group late this evening. She asked first if VFui will die – I said NO. She asked what is going to happen to him. I said he needs to go through a treatment called radiotherapy, and he will probably be weaker for a little while, and then he will be totally better again after the treatments. She asked if he still could sing in the coming Christmas Musical, I said No, because his throat may be dry. She asked if he needed for go for an operation to cut the cancer away. I said no, the cancer is best taken away by the burning of radiotherapy. She asked if the cancer germs can spread to her. I said no, it can only spread within him, but not to her. She was quiet after that. I added that she can help by praying for the radiotherapy sessions to start as soon as possible. She said OK.
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That was about the last of her questions. She seemed satisfied, for she promptly went to sleep after that.
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Have her fears been adequately dealt with and controlled? I don’t know. I hope so. I really do.
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Cancer Sucks… September 25, 2008
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September 25th, 2008
So I went with VFui to a private hospital for the CT Scan, because we knew that the crowded General Hospital (GH) could not slot him in within the next week or so – or maybe even the next month or so.
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The CT Scan showed all clear from the base of the skull to the neck, which means that the cancer is confined to just the upper nose (nasopharynx) area. Thank you, Lord!!
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We then rushed back to GH to see the ENT doc, Doc Hing. He was in, thankfully. Not only was he in, his boss the ENT specialist, was also in. Both of them viewed the scans and it was with sighs of relief that they told us that the cancer is at one of the earliest stages. Thank God for another prayer answered!
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As the doc explained, we understood that at this stage, a cancer patient needs to go for 36 sessions of radiotherapy. An operation on the lesion is not advisable as the cancer may migrate. Radiotherapy helps to burn off the malignant cells, and a treated patient at this stage has a 90% chance of fully recovering. Thank God for the reassuring statistics.
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Nevertheless, VFui needed to go for the treatment quickly for it is uncertain how rapidly the cancer cells will spread. However, according to the specialist, the Nilai Cancer Institute (NCI) to which he is being referred for treatment is currently jam-packed with patients, and may not have room to slot VFui’s schedule. Doc Hing assured us that he will put VFui’s scans and his file in to NCI immediately, personally follow up with the Institute to hasten the process, and will let us know if he meets with success.
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Meanwhile, we are to go home, sit and wait.
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I guess waiting is the worst thing one can do while knowing one has got a dangerous disease. I see VFui. He looks brave, shrugs and says it’s in God’s hands. And my heart breaks.
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How can this happen to him?? Why must it happen to him? I know and understand that this is his journey, but I need to help. But how? How can I help? What can I do to bring comfort, to keep him positive, to give him support? People say moral support is very important. While I think that is true, I also think it is soooo inadequate. If only I am allowed to take a peek at NCI’s calendar and arrange things so that the schedule of his sessions can start tomorrow. If only the doc can give more assurance that the cancer is not only contained, it will not spread either. If only I can pluck the disease out of him somehow, and throw it into the furthest depths, so that he can be better again. If only, if only, I can pull him out of his condition by sheer force.
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But I can’t do all those. It’s easy for me to say it’s in God’s hands. But surely it is not easy for him to say those same words? How can he bear it? How can he take it? I crumble just thinking about what he must be going through deep inside.
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But I can’t crumble. I’m not allowed to do that. He can’t see me sad, or it’ll pull him down as well. So I’ll just maintain in my usual, busy mode. Because life goes on. We need to keep busy doing the things that make us happy. Because when we keep ourselves occupied with good things, we will not have time for unhealthy brooding. And because I also know that there must be a purpose for this to have happened. And that all things work for the good of those who love God. Because I have a God who is really in control. Because I realize that He alone can see us through. Because I recognize that His Word is a light for us in this dark tunnel of fear. Because I believe in Him. And because I have Hope. I’ll always have Hope. And so I won’t crumble.
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Bad News September 24, 2008
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September 24th, 2008
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Today’s the day I handed in the LAST of my assignments. I should be feeling happy. Except that I received bad news soon after I came home from school….
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Someone really near and dear to me got his tissue sample results from the Gribbles Lab, and the report shows nasopharyngeal carcinoma Type II. That simply means cancer. To be exact, he has nose cancer.
When I heard the news, I went really numb. How could that have happened? He is always so very careful with the food he eats and the water he drinks. Compared to me, he’s a health freak – always taking balanced meals, and always making sure he has the right amount of exercise a week.
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I really don’t know how to deal with this. I’m so unprepared. What can I do? How can I help? In what way can I bring comfort and assurance? Words suddenly seem so inadequate at a time like this.
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I’ll be taking emergency leave tomorrow morning to accompany him for a CT Scan, and then to see the ENT doctor for further reference to NCI for treatment. And I’ve made up a list of what I can ask the doctor while I’m there with him– “how did this happen” is foremost on my mind right now. Other questions would be pertaining to the food he can and cannot consume: the kind of treatment, and how the treatments helps; the side effects of treatment and how bad it can get; statistics of people with nose cancer in the country and their journeys to recovery; the stages of cancer, and what stage he is in now.
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For now, that’s all I think I can do. And PRAY. Pray really hard that his results will show the mildest form of cancer imaginable. Pray that the Nilai Cancer Institute will be able to accommodate him immediately for his treatments. Pray that the treatments will fully help him recover. And pray that his fear in the disease will decrease considerably, and his trust in God will increase enormously.
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Please pray along with me? Thank you…
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Good Food… September 24, 2008
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September 24th, 2008
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Breakfast was fantastic. EuT and I were laden before getting to class…
Ham Sandwich
Needless to say, we were totally sleepy in class…
It was lunch time…. EuT & I we came back from class, and found we got this for lunch…
Doesn’t look too appetizing, eh? Unless it comes with….
Deep Fried Onions
…and….
Sambal Belacan
…and…
Rainbow Cake
….as dessert.
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Home cooked lunch and home made cakes are just Grrrreeeeaaaaatttt!
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Back to Earth Again September 24, 2008
Posted by esthertanc in Me, Studies.add a comment
September 24th, 2008
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It’s early in the morning, and I’m handing in the last of my assignments to my lecturer this morning. Yippeeee!
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But….that paper’s for the school I’m attending on Wednesdays in my hometown. I attend another school on Mondays – in BCM PJ.
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So the trimester at BCM has started some 5 weeks back. There are about seven (yes, SEVEN) projects to do, including an evaluation at the end of the trimester. And trimester ends…on Nov 24th. Eight-and-a-half more weeks from now.
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“Earth to EsthertanC – Earth to EsthertanC – Quit Bumming – Come Back – You Got WORK To Do.”
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Sigh…here we go again….! In the recent words of a BCM classmate, “Blech! Blech! Blech!”
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Euphoria! September 23, 2008
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September 23rd, 2008
EsthertanC is feeling Euphoric today. After laboring painfully and painstakingly for 2 months, she has finally made it to this point – all the 10 assignments / projects / exams / presentations she had to complete are finally, finally, FINALLY done!
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What’s more, the dateline for the last 2 is tomorrow, September 24th. Which means that EsthertanC actually beat the dateline – probably for the first time in her life!
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She will be taking a break for about 2-3 days, and will do absolutely NOTHING….!
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Ain’t that Pure Bliss!
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On Tattoos and Piercings September 17, 2008
Posted by esthertanc in CheckIn, Studies.2 comments
September 17th, 2008
Tattoos and Piercings are decoratives that are fast gaining in popularity all around the world. The younger generations of our world feel that they are not in vogue if they are not the possessor of some form of piercing or tattoo about their persons.
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I wondered what people think about the two things, and so decided to ask those who were close at hand.
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Grandma, who was 90 at her last birthday, did not say much about the topics. She just looked directly at me, and I saw her tattooed eyebrows and jade earrings. That kinda tells me that she is not averse to tattoos, at least.
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Mom was a different story entirely. She hails from the Pentecostal movement of the 70’s. The kind that believes that going to the movies was a sin. Thus, her reply to tattooing was a big, firm NO! Her reasoning was that the Bible says that we are not supposed to mark ourselves. “And why do you want to do a tattoo for anyway?” she ranted. “Aren’t those people that do it normally those who are in a club or group or something? The groups that 
are usually of the disreputable, unwholesome, gangster type? And they do it as an identity to the colony they belong to, don’t they? And lemme ask you: where do they tattoo themselves? At their rear ends! And for what reason??” She went on to say that as a Christian, one’s identity is in Christ. (EuT asked then why the need to wear the cross? To which question she was stumped, poor thing).
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As for piercing, mom feels that piercing for devotional/divinity reasons is wrong. Even the nose, she says, is Indian cultural to a certain extent (Oh crap! And here I was seriously contemplating the nose-prick. Lookslike I’d have to scrap that for the time being). If the piercing is done for the beautification of the person, then mom rather thinks that it is OK. Like earrings. They are OK. Because they are done not as a worship but as a mark of beauty. Even the OT people do it, she added. About extreme piercings (other than ears), she says only abnormal people do it. She feels that some people think that it is erotic to have it, but she would not like to comment further about that. The crux of the matter, she says, is really the reason for doing such a thing. Extreme piercing to her is Indecency to a certain extent. So, she’s not for it.
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Dad, like his mother, had little to say about piercing. Tattoos, however, have his stamp of disapproval. It is not good, he says. He questions the reason for tattoos and asserts that one’s natural body is already beautiful enough, and so there really isn’t a need to change the look.
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EuT, when questioned, was like a deer caught in the headlights. She suddenly lost all forms of opinions, save the fact that tattoos and piercings are only done today for beauty’s sake. That was all I was able to extricate from her about the topics at hand.
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En, who’s eight-going-on-nine, on the other hand, thinks that one should tattoo only during the holidays. Her reasoning? Because if it is done during the weekends, it would be hard to be scrubbed off before Monday starts – it is not allowed in schools. She was immediately corrected (by my mom) about the temporariness of tattoos.
When asked what if the school allows it, she immediately uttered an enthusiastic, fervent yes! She would like one because she thinks it is shiny and it looks good. And it makes her feel good to look good. Specifically, she went on to say, she would like to have one on her left arm. In the picture of a flower which is pink and purple and gold.
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About piercing, she says that the ears are a good place to be pierced, but not the eyes, nose, lips or anywhere 
else, because they would feel too uncomfortable and unnatural. When asked if she would like a second pair of earrings on her ears, she said that because her school does not allow even studs for earrings, she would look silly with two juts of sticks in each ear. She also maintained that she is quite satisfied with her looks right now, and has no wish for any changes to her person for the moment.
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What do YOU think?
Ugly Stick - The Only Allowable Earring In School
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Random Rants September 17, 2008
Posted by esthertanc in Me, Mountain.add a comment
September 17th, 2008
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They say religious freedom in a country is a commendable thing. I personally think it is a myth. I mean, if the citizens of that country do not have freedom of speech, then how can they possess religious freedom? And if that same set of citizens is prohibited from spreading their gospel, then where does the term “religious” freedom apply?
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Just venting my frustrations at some of the things that are happening in and around my part of the world.
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Ciao.
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The Doctor Was In – Phew!! September 11, 2008
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September 11th, 2008
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Doc: [from his room] EsthertanC!
Me: [croakingly] Coming!!
Doc: What’s the prob?
Me: The usual. Sore throat, wracking cough, fever, diarrhea and headache. And oh yes, by the way, I came in 3 days ago to see your bro, the other doc.
Doc: [Glancing at computer] Hmmmm. So I see.
Me: [Impatiently] Well? Why’m I still not OK yet?
Doc: [Not pressured at all] Let’s check your pressure first….and your throat, say ahhhh….and your temperature…hmmm….
Me: So, how?
Doc: I’ll take you off antibiotics for now, ‘coz they’re causing you the diarrhea. I’m giving you another cough mixture. No ‘flu medication since you are allergic to most of ‘em. And oh, yes. A stronger dose of the fever medicine. Come back and see me on Saturday. I’ll restart you on antibiotics then – if you need them by then. [severely] And stay away from chicken and fish!!
Me: [vision of Uncle Bob’s Fried Chicken floating away] Okay…
Doc: And take nothing made of flour.
Me: [vision of ALL great food fading] No Min-faan-koh?
Doc: Absolutely Not!
Me: Errr… the cough mixture? Is it drowsy?
Doc: A little. Why? Are you driving long distance?
Me: No.
Doc: Say, where are you working now?
Me: AGA
Doc: Oh. AGA? Then you should have no problems at all. Take the cough mixture without fear (tanpa was-was).
Me: OK.
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There is nothing like a Doc’s brusque manner to help one feel sooo much better! Anyway, an hour later, during lunch time, there came a call…
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Me: Hello?
Doc: It’s me. I forgot to tell you – don’t eat bananas.
Me: [stunt!] Doc??? Oh. Errr…ok. Sure! [recovering] Actually I’ve lay off all fruits.
Doc: Good. Keep it that way. And, also no eggs, no –
Me: [interrupts plaintively] Arrr Doc? Is there anything at all I can partake???
Doc: [surprised] Huh? Oh. Of course! You can…errr…well, you can eat plain rice, rice-based noodles, porridge and pork.
Me: [weakly] Oh…that’s it?
Doc: Well, you can also take 100-plus.
Me: [delighted] Ooohh, really???
Doc: Yup. Just make sure you open the can and let the fizz out totally before you drink it – flat.
Me: [burst balloon] Oh. Okay. Thanks and Bye, Doc.
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And so, this is how it came to be that EsthertanC is now drinking this flat-out 100-plus. It is yucky. But then, everything else is tasteless due to her totally stuck nostrils.
Short may this horrid spell last…!
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EsthertanC 